Hello Dillon! Great job on your Storybook so far! I enjoyed all your descriptions regarding the lab and the scents inside his lab. Your imagery about the rooms also made the rooms come alive in my head. I could imagine myself just walking up the spiral staircase and marveling at the walls filled with records. Good job! I also like how you turned the arrows into something that you can brew and make tea from. That's super creative! I also like how you included Karma in your introduction. This makes me wonder if your stories will be about Karma, the love doctor, or Karma against the love doctor.. I'm writing about Karma, so that's also ironic! :) One small suggestion I would give, is your use of the word "lethal" in the second paragraph, second to last line. You mentioned above that the arrows aren't used for any sort of killing. But with the use of the word lethal, I automatically think death! Might just be me. Haha. But I would maybe consider switching up that word. Other than that, great job on your introduction! Looking forward to reading your stories.
Hey Dillon, You are doing a great job so far on your Storybook! Your coverpage looks very neat and put together. The picture you used is very fitting for your theme. I like the font you chose as well. I really like how you set the tone for your Introduction page. It really helped me to get into your story. I can picture exactly what his lab must look like. You described the arrows in great detail which makes it is easy for the reader to picture them. It is very creative that you thought of giving him an arrow factory. I can almost smell all of the scents because of your vivid descriptions. I am looking forward to reading the future stories that go into your storybook. It will be interesting to see how you can incorporate Karma into them. I wonder what time period Dr. Love lived in. Is it modern time or did he live hundreds of years ago? I can not wait to see what love stories you chose to retell. I am sure you will do a fantastic job. Your personality really shines through your writing! Keep up the great work!
Hey Dillon, what a funny yet awesome introduction! Great job laying out the details and welcoming your readers into the world of love! I must say you are a funny person and you did a splendid job with the introduction because you definitely attracted many readers to read your story. I can't wait to see how to lay it out and present the overall storybook because the introduction was that good and appealing. I liked the picture you chose but I would center it and maybe highlight the picture more to make it more elaborate. I liked the font style you used its fun yet nice to deal with while reading. I liked the concept of the Dr. Love instead of just a spokesperson for the diaries or blogs. I think giving love prescriptions would be a good idea while telling your story! Overall, I found your introduction super fun to read and excited me as a reader to want to read more so great job! I am sure you will come up with more exciting stories in the future. Using more pictures and making sure they are highlighted in each story would be a great asset to your storybook as well. Great job again!
Hey, Dillon! Wow, what a well-written story. The picture on the cover page was great, and I loved the introduction. It was easy to follow along through the upbeat and informal language, yet added some great elements. For one, it was humorous- I liked the fact that he would use the materials from making the arrows to make some good tea as well as the fact he had an oversized parrot- that made me chuckle and I appreciated you including a good sense of humor in the story. That alone made the story stand out to me and I wanted to read on. Also, I love the description of the study, staircases, and how you even explained the composition of the arrows- such details are incredibly engaging and exciting and make the story that much better. You’re very creative and I loved seeing that through this story. Finally, I think you did a wonderful job of setting up the rest of the storybook. I definitely want to read on and was sad that the introduction was over. Keep up the wonderful work and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. You are very talented and I love your storybook so far!
Your Introduction made me laugh out loud. I can really get a sense of the personality of the narrator. Also you did a great job of giving important details like, what the bow was made out of and ect. there is admission that is important in your introduction that though the Dr. is the God of Love, he is more of an Eharmony.com version of the God of Love. He can take the horse to water but he can not make the horse love the fish in the water and have seahorses. This is a key admission because next your character brings up the issue of Karma and that is truly the main focus I am guessing of your topics. I am not sure the way in which you are going to tell your stories but your Introduction did a good job of catching the readers attention so that they don’t click on to someone else’s storybook page instead. As far as the design at first I thought there was not much to it. The cover page is basic and when I clicked on to the introduction it was even more basic. I am guessing you are using the blank slate template, but this is all a good thing because it allows the reader to focus solely on the story. Also one more design issue I noticed was the font. You did a great job of choosing the right font to match the narrator. For some reason the font sort of matched the character and helped to bring depth to Kama.
Hi Dillon! Your coverpage with the image of Kama, the God of Love is perfect! I also really like the font you chose to use. Your introduction had so much personality in it! It was very entertaining to read! I also thought the imagery was fantastic! I felt like I could really imagine the rooms as we passed through them! I love the idea that he has a large collection of bow and arrows he uses to hit people with love! I think one thing that would really add to your introduction is pictures! It would be great to have a picture of one of Dr. Love's bow and arrows! The idea that each arrow that he uses is specifically designed for each of his targets is so cool! I also like that you chose to include Karma in your story and am so interested to see how that will play a role! Lastly, I think it may be helpful to give an introduction of the love stories that you plan to include in your introduction! I definitely suspect that we will hear a version of Rama and Sita, and I very much look forward to that! I'm very curious to see what other love stories you choose to include! Overall, I enjoyed reading your introduction and look forward to reading your storybook as it progresses! Great job!
Hello Dillon. On first visiting your page I noticed the design. The design was very clean and simple, in a good way. The pages were easy to navigate. I noticed the picture on your cover page depicting the god of love with a bow. I was reminded of Cupid, although Kama doesn't look as cuddly and friendly. Also, his bow looks like it shoots real arrows and not love missiles. In your introduction I loved the line about living with the oversized parrot, as I noticed Kama riding a bird in your cover page image. Overall I found your introduction to be quite humorous, and I hope the rest of your stories follow suit. I enjoyed the house tour Kama gave and his descriptions of his arrows and other items. You definitely impart the idea that he toils away making custom arrows for future love birds. I'm looking forward to seeing your stories and how the god of love plays a role in them. It seems like Karma might be the antagonist here, as sometimes it interferes with his plans of love.
Your coverpage is a little plain. I would make the font bigger, especially the title - I didn't even notice it at first. I would also add some color and background - the picture is so cool, you should complement it.
I would also consider sprucing up your intro (and other future pages). The font is very basic and blocky (although I like the size - very helpful). Your theme is Dr. Love, so a more fancy or beautiful font would contribute to the theme. You could play with colors too.
I like the first person, conversational tone. It comes off very casual and authentic. You also do a good job of introducing and informing the reader of your main character, which is one we don't know much about just from the Ramayana. You have a good mix of information and storytelling, and it doesn't feel like an overload.
You don't give much indication as to what your other stories are going to be about. You have a nice lead-in at the very end, but your reader doesn't know anything about who the other characters in your stories will be.
Cover Page: I would possibly consider making your picture a lot larger to better draw the attention of the reader. Also the larger picture would be a better transition for the large letters in your introduction. Also your page navigation thing on the lefts side of the page fades into the background, and I can barely read it.
Introduction: I think doing your story book for the perspective of “Dr. Kamadeva” is very creative!! The way you have him take the reader through a tour is great and makes me want to read more. After reading your introduction I am very curious about how Karma and matchmaking are sometimes at odds with one another. So clearly I can see so many parallels with “Dr. Kamadeva” and Cupid, which I find very interesting. Also your title on this page is so small compared to your actual text within the page. I cannot wait until you have a story up!!! I want to read more, and was disappointed that I have to wait, but I completely understand how this part of the semester is crazy. I can sometimes be hard to get to working on writing a story. I look forward to how you continue your story!!
Hey Dillon! I was looking for some storybooks to look at that I haven’t already and the title of yours really drew me in. I think your cover page is pretty solid with a picture of Dr. Kamadeva. The introduction was really great, I liked the description of the Doctors office and his character shows with his sense of humor, making his stories of his clients probably more fun to read in the long run. The inclusion of the magical arrows is a creative approach and they go along with the book as well since arrows show up frequently. Also, making the magical aspects are cool to see as well like brewing the arrows to make a tea and creating the arrows with all those cool ingredients. I think introducing karma as a competitive factor to the love doctors work is a smart move since the book has a lot of karma working against some of the relationships development. I think the only critique I have would be to maybe include more colors in your storybook or pictures would be nice in the introduction of something mentioned by the doctor since he has such a cool office you describe. You have set up a cool introduction and I am excited to see how you progress with it!
Hey Dillon. I just finished looking over your storybook. My first impression was that the colors and thin font are kind of tough on the eyes. I think that if you change one or the other, it might make your links and other writing a lot easier to read. The font size and color in your introduction are much easier to read. You did a great job of drawing me into your introduction by describing the setting and actually walking me through the lab. I thought that the comment about the Love Doctor dancing by himself was pretty funny. The imagery and appeal to other senses throughout your introduction are great! Everything is described so well that it hardly needs a picture to accompany it. That being said, I think that a few pictures could really help to improve your introduction. Right now, so much of the interpretation is left to your reader’s imagination. If you included a few pictures here and there, it could really help your direct the way that we interpret your story. The other thing that I would suggest is that you might also give us a little introduction to the various stories that you plan on telling. I noticed that you haven’t posted your first story yet, presumably because you used a free pass, so good luck with that! You definitely have a great idea and I’m curious to see where you go with it.
I really like the font you selected, and I really appreciate the format / setup of your storybook. I think that your introduction picture of karma, God of Love, is really great. Also, your name sounds like an author’s name – it has a nice ring to it. I also think your story is really funny. “Do forgive me for the clutter; it is rather difficult living with an oversized parrot.” I found that sentence to be quite humorous, and I like that you painted Dr. Love in a witty, sort of dorky kind of way. It makes him more approachable. I like how you tied in karma to the arrows and methodology of Dr. Love. I’m also glad you started with the story of Rama and Sita. Their love story is particularly my favorite out of all the stories that we have read so far. I think that they represent well the theme and romantic sense behind the Indian epics. Like I said earlier, I like the way that you had karma contribute to the story. Also, I like that you used Buck’s version of The Ramayana. I am looking forward to reading the future stories that you write in your storybook!
I read your first story, Rama & Sita. My first comment is that you should go back and look at the grammar - there are some run on sentences, especially when you try to have a more conversational tone. I like the conversational tone, but sometimes it just needs some editing. I also noticed a typo, you said matched made in "haven" - so, just proofread it one more time maybe. I mean, I hate to be that person, but your story is good and it would be a shame to leave in simple editing errors that distract from it.
Anyway, I like your story. You have a unique perspective. It's interesting that Dr. Kamadeva is sort of watching over Rama and Sita and planning out their love lives. It makes their story even more mystical, adds an element of destiny in romance. I like how you added the details about the arrow, and fit it in with your concept of a Cupid-like Dr. Love, making them fall in love with his arrows.
Your page might look better if you divided the text into a couple paragraphs, or just broke it up a bit. And added an image. It might be nice to add some dialogue from other characters too - maybe not to this one, but something to keep in mind for other stories. Basically, though, I like your concept and you do a good job telling the story.
Hey Dillon Duke! This was a really great Storybook presentation. I was really fond of the set-up of this storybook. I t really attracts readers to read it. The introduction was really great and allows readers to really connect with what they are reading. After reading the introduction, the first thing that I thought of was our Cupid. This is one thing that helps readers really connect with your storybook and actually gets readers to go through the whole storybook since they have something to relate to. Dr. Love’s arrows are another thing that I really liked. Their description was great and I would really hope to see one in real life since I am a huge sugarcane fan. Sugarcane taste really amazing and that’s why I would also really like to taste some of that tea that Dr. Love makes. This is another way that you help the readers connect and really get them interested in your storybook. The story was also written really well. One thing that I caught was there was one spelling error. It was in the first paragraph where instead of heaven you say haven. This is just a minor error and can’t wait to read more stories about Dr. Love and get to know more about him.
This was my first foray into the tales of Dr. Love, so I am going to comment on the site and introduction as well. I think your site page is fine, although with your theme it could be hilarious to turn it into an "About me" and credentials page about his doctorate.
I thought your intro was really solid. You made Kama feel very approachable and friendyly while also doing some major outlining of the rest of your storybook. I liked the part where you begin to lay out what will come next -- the appointments and future appointments. You've done a great job in making Dr. Love appear very real. One thing I would recommend for your intro is including an element like a picture to add color to the page while also breaking up the wall of text. There are a lot of opportunities for you there: bow and arrows, tea being brewed,etc. So I bet you can find something that will really put your introduction over the top. I am interested to see whether this doctor is actually a good match maker. It's interesting that he uses the same method of love induction as the Western cupid on Valentine's day, which would make it funny to mention something about the Dr. being the first one to use love arrows.
I am actually from the Mythology and Folklore class, so your storybook was really my first look into the Indian Epics. I hadn't heard of Kama, the god of love, before this, but he certainly seems interesting!
My first impressions of the home page were certainly positive. I like the simple,muted colors you chose for the background, as I think too many images or colors can sometimes be distracting for readers. The font for your text seems very fitting for a story originating from an Indian background. If I had one suggestion, it would be to make the image of Kama a little larger. Of course, I'm not sure if there is a larger image available, so this may not be possible!
Your introduction is superb. You make the "love doctor" seem friendly but very quirky. The line " it is rather difficult living with an oversized parrot" made me laugh. It certainly would be! In fact, that may be a little bit of understatement!
The story of Rama and Sita seems like a great choice for your first story. It was suspenseful wondering it one of Rama's brothers would beat him to the princess, and even more so when the arrow missed and only hit her finger.
Dillon, I really like how you portray Karma in your storybook. I think it is very interesting and easy to follow. I like how your homepage is set up. You use easy colors and clean fonts that really keep the reader focused on your project. I also like the images you use. I think they do an excellent job at giving the reader an insight into Karma, the god of love, and allow the readers to gain a visual perspective of Karma. I also really like how you call Karma “the love doctor”. Sounds like something from the 70’s, which I find really interesting because it is cool that you can tie the Indian Epics into something from the flower power era. Your introduction is really good too. I think it lets everyone get to know Karma and sets up the story for the rest of the storybooks. I think your first story is really excellent. The classic Rama and Sita love story should for sure be included in everyone’s storybook who is writing about love. It is a perfect story to start off with, so I believe your “love doctor” idea is heading in a great direction! Keep up the good work!
Hey Dillon, I was a bit behind on points in the Myth-Folklore class from skipping assignments so I decided to do the extra commenting for the bonus points and I was surprised to come across a storybook by my old suite mate. Time sure has flown though since freshman year, it has been like two years since the last time I've seen you. I hope college has been going good for you! Anyway down to business, I like how you made the introduction humorous and clearly gave a background on your storyteller, even someone who hasn't read anything Indian could follow along without difficulty. The first story was very good, I like how you continued to make your narrator a somewhat goofy character. I don't know if it is the similar names but I kept picturing Kama as Mike Myers since he was in that Love Guru movie. The only suggestion I could make is to break up your story into paragraphs so it doesn't feel too long. I would either put your picture in the middle to break it up or just make a new paragraph or two. Great job with your story and I'll try to comment on yours again for my bonus choice.
Hey Dillion! I just got done reading through your storybook: Tales of Dr. Love and overall it looks like it is coming along great! The picture in the introduction gives me a good idea of what Kama and his parrot look like. Also the colors and layout of your storybook are very clean and easy to navigate so good job with that as well! The introduction was fantastic! Your description of Kama's house created great imagery in my mind. You used a ton of eloquent words and described the layout of his house very well! Also I love the the personality you have given Kama. His dialogues are very funny and clever and make the reading overall a much more enjoyable experience. I found it quite funny that you said he spends a lot of time by himself dancing alone, I laughed when I pictured that in my head. I can tell you have done quite a bit of research for this story. It was great that you informed the readers about what Kama's various bows and arrows are made of and transitioned into the story telling by having tea time. I can't wait to read Kama's tales and I'm sure they will be quite humorous! Keep up the great work!
Dillon, as I’ve said before, I really like the font you selected, and I really appreciate the format / setup of your storybook.Your use of Karma really stuck out and resonated with me throughout the time that I read your storybook. Just a little detail that I think you might want to look at fixing: I think that your page navigation on the left-hand side is out of order. It starts with Dasaratha and Kaikeyi, move to the introduction, then it moves to Rama and Sita. I think that your page would be much more easily navigated and organized if you cleared that up! Another thing that you could change is “heart warming” to “heartwarming.” It can be used as only one word! I found the word in the first paragraph of your story “Dasaratha and Kaikeyi” (which I thought was really good, by the way!) I like how you portrayed their romance, and I think they had a pretty profound one if you ask me. I like how you revealed the ir relationship and how Kaikeyi being the third wife really impacted them. I like how you ended the story with the bows and arrows being hung up forever. Great job!
Dillon! I thought your introduction was so incredibly creative and fun! As others have said, be sure to fix the order of your stories because you introduction falls after the first story. It is just so full of creativity which is such an important characteristic to have so good job! The whole time I was reading you project I was definitely thinking of the picture on your main page! Your story of Rama and Sita was definitely my favorite mainly because they have been my favorite characters to learn about over the course of this class. The reason I love this class so much is because there is so much room to add whatever we want to all of the stories! I love the way you said Dr. Love had been watching Rama and Sita and perfectly paired them up! I love the addition of the arrow and his quest to have them fall in love! It was very funny and exciting to read! I can't wait for your next story because I'm sure it will be just as funny as these two! I also think you did a great job paying attention to detail with the way your font is for the stories! It reminds me of Shakespeare which then reminds me of romance so great job! Keep up the good work!
Okay, firstly, you need to organize your navigation so that the pages are all in order. Second, I think there are a lot of things you could do to make your storybook more exciting. I think putting your storybook in red colors would make it look more the part for this particular topic. I mean it’s a story about Kama and matchmaking so it should be more romance colored. As it is right now, it’s kind of boring. Also, every single one of your pages has a different font and/or font size. Your storybook needs to be a lot more consistent. So I only read your introduction this time around, but I enjoyed what I read. I kind of wish it was told from the visitor’s POV instead of Kama’s, that way we’re in the head of a character new to this place, similar to us. It’s makes it easier to connect when the story is told from someone whose shoes we can easily fill. I think if you chose to write from this POV, you could give a lot more description of this place and make the story more captivating. As is, it’s kind of confusing following Kama around a house we can’t see.
Hey Dillon, I think you should fix your navigation because it was super confusing for me to understand what was going on and where to start! You should organize that so it makes it easy to follow your storybook. I think your title is great but you should definitely include more details and descriptions so that your storybook is more exciting and fun to read. I think you should add some color and more exciting pictures so that the reader isn't bored while reading or looking at your storybook. I liked your cover page but I think you could maybe use a better pictures also your introduction is great but maybe include some things to attract your readers. I think both the story titles are good but maybe include more pictures to express what the going on in the story to help better understand what is going on. I think overall you have the right idea but maybe working on those details would add a lot more attention to your book and attract more readers! Also, maybe reread what you wrote in your stories because I was hard to follow what was going on in the story, I was very confused with the story while reading.
Hey Dillon. I really like the topic you chose to write about. I also like the image you chose to use for your cover page. The first thing I would like to suggest though is that you reorder the links on your navigation. I ended up not reading the stories in order and so it made everything very confusing. Additionally, I would suggest that you use the same format for each page. The repetition of fonts and spacing is one way to create an overall better visual appeal to your storybook. My next suggestion would be to move the picture you use for each story from the bottom to somewhere closer to the actual story. Other than that, each story was very well written. You may consider reading them out loud though, sometimes it becomes confusing. However, I like the style you chose to write in. It is very clear and you use great imagery in each story.
One other small suggestion I would have is to split up that one giant paragraph you used in the story of Rama & Sita. That paragraph dragged on forever, and I feel like it will be easier to read if it is split up into several different paragraphs. Other than that you did a good job, keep up the good work.
Hey Dillion! I just got done reading through the latest additions to your storybook: Tales of Dr. Love and I like the new story you have added even more then the last one! In your story about Dasaratha and Kaikeyi I like how you make the god seem almost human and show that even he too makes mistakes. This reminds of how often the Greek gods would make mistakes and humans would end up paying for it. I can clearly tell you did some great research before writing your perspective on this love story. All the details seem on point and there aren't any continuity issues. Once again your storytelling skills shine, the words flow well and I'm not confused at all as to what is going on. For some reason, I really enjoy the arrow recipes. They all sound extremely tasty if they were mixed in teas (maybe because I was hungry while reading this story?) but its also a nice touch that you say why each ingredient to make the arrow is being used. It gives more life to your story and doesn't make it simply seem like words on a screen. Can't wait to read the next story!
Hey Dillon! I'm surprised this is my first time visiting your storybook. I like your font for your overall storybook, but I wish it was a little bigger. When you use a font that intricate, you have to make it bigger or you get in danger or losing clarity. I like the picture you chose for your cover page. It's traditional and beautiful, which is complementary to your choice of font. One thing I wanted to touch on real quick is that your sidebar navigation is off. It currently has the link for your Dasaratha & Kaikeyi story before your introduction. Anyway, on to your introduction: I liked how friendly and informal it was. Your descriptions are really great. I felt like I could see the lab! You did a great job setting up your storybook and getting the reader interested! I like your writing style, it really shows your personality as a fun, humorous person. It made for an easy to read story that doesn't require forced concentration. You made the story almost conversational, which helps keep the reader on track. As for your first story, I loved it! It was cool that you made the "love doctor" watch over and plan out their lives. Super cool way to do this story!
Hi Dillon! This is my second time visiting your storybook and it looks awesome! It has really come a long way since my first visit weeks ago. I can really hear your voice when I am reading your stories. I enjoyed your two stories starring Rama and Sita and then the one with Dasaratha and Kaikeyi. I have written about both set of characters in my storytelling posts so it is interesting to read another version of the stories. I must say, I like your versions a lot better than Buck's and Narayan's. Adding the character Dr. Kamadeva, was a very nice touch. He really makes things funny and interesting. I also like how you incorporated karma into your stories. I love to see when people get what they deserve whether it is for the good or for the bad. Side note, I am kind of confused to why your font changed from the introduction to the stories. Was that on purpose? With that said, I really like the font you used for your titles. Overall, you are doing a fantastic job on your storybook! Have a great rest of your week and I will see you in our other class tomorrow!
I think this was my first venture into your storybook, but I decided to skip over to the story of Rama & Sita. My favorite line in your first paragraph was "... a match literally made in heaven." That was perfect for your humorous Dr. Love. I think one thing that strikes me about Dr. Love is how much of a scientist he actually appears to me. He talks about the level of study he has conducted and goes into detail about his observations without being overly creepy or anything. I think writing about Rama and Sita was an easy choice because of the sheer amount of information and details you have to work with, and I think you did a good job in filtering them into this single tale. I remember thinking while reading the Ramayana that the story of Janaka's bow could probably use some more details, so I'm glad someone else had the same feelings and decided to act on them as well. I also enjoyed how Dr. Love treated Love as a chemical or prescription and talked about how he could properly "administer" it. I think that worked well in characterizing your character as a true doctor as well.
Hi Dillon, as we had free choices on who to comment on this week for our story book choices, I decided to comment on yours because I had never been put in the same group as you so I never got a chance to read your stories. I would like to start off by saying that I really liked your idea. I really liked how you managed to combine the idea of Kamadeva and Cupid into one character because Kamadeva works by shooting arrows from a bow like cupid. Your introduction was really interesting it was a fun read. It got me reading right away, it was as if I walked into the office and I was being talked to by this love doctor. I also really liked your story of how Rama and Sita met and fall in love and also the story about Dasaratha and Kaikeyi. There were no errors so I was able to read through them pretty smoothly. I could not really find anything to make your story better as I thought they were perfect. Overall I thought your story book was great and so was your idea for and I will be back for more!
Hi Dillon! Great work on the storybook so far! Somehow I have managed to not be put in a group with you as of yet, so I decided to read your blog as my free choice for the week. I love your introduction. The doctor sounds like a real character, especially when he starts talking about the different properties that his arrows have. The detail that you go into is amazing. The arrows have their own special ingredients, useful for both love and tea! I really appreciated that random detail; it made for a brief moment of amusement before heading to the first story. Your narrator is really entertaining, particularly because he makes it sound like he is a mix of a doctor and a storyteller, reminiscing over past successes. The stories of both Rama and Sita, as well as Dasaratha and Kaikeyi work to show that there is no one true answer to love. The doctor starts telling the story but things go wrong in both cases. It is sad how the relationships start out with so much promise, then wind up with a sad ending. Your stories are very well written, however, and I love the amount of detail that you include in them! I really like how you tell the reason that the different ingredients are chosen for the arrows. It gives more detail to the story. I look forward to seeing what else you have in store. Keep up the great work!
Dillon, I really like how you bring the reader in as if they are walking into your office. I think this is a great way pull the readers into your story and create an interest in them. I love how you are dissecting Rama and Sita’s relationship. When you said that Rama could never walk away from a challenge I was in full agreement and was almost convinced that you orchestrated their meet and marriage. I wish you would have made your paragraphs more visible with indentation or skipping a line. It makes it more difficult for the reader to focus while reading such a long paragraph with no breaks.
I kind of did not like how you said that Sita was watching Rama string the bow from her window. Yes, this adds a bit of excitement to the story because the reader gets to be there with her when she watches her marriage be turned over to the man who she cannot stop thinking about after their first interaction, but the truth is that she was laying in her bed in misersy while she dreamt about and cried for the man who she saw the day before (just so happens to be Rama). I liked how this part of the story played out in the original tale because the reader gets to be there with Sita through her misery and then we are witnesses to her excitement after she finds out that the person who strung the bow was the man she was longing for!
Hey Dillon! This is my first time reading your storybook and commenting on your wall, so it's nice to make your e-quaintance. When I was looking through the list of storybooks to choose from, the name of yours stood out, and I decided to read on. I actually had no idea that Cupid had an Indian counterpart, so it was neat to see it brought to life the way you did it.
I think the layout of your storybook is great, though there are a couple suggestions I would have made were I typing this a couple months ago. The biggest issue I have with your page personally is with the navigation. Your unvisited links are gray text on a white background, which is never fun to read. Once they've been clicked, they become much easier on the eyes as they turn and stay black.
All of your writing is clear, your grammar is good, and the content is interesting. You've written it in a way that involves the reader, since the main character is addressing the audience directly. I really like this approach, and I think it worked well with what you set out to do with your storybook. Overall, good job! I hope the semester went smoothly for you, man. Take care!
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ReplyDeleteHello Dillon!
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your Storybook so far! I enjoyed all your descriptions regarding the lab and the scents inside his lab. Your imagery about the rooms also made the rooms come alive in my head. I could imagine myself just walking up the spiral staircase and marveling at the walls filled with records. Good job! I also like how you turned the arrows into something that you can brew and make tea from. That's super creative! I also like how you included Karma in your introduction. This makes me wonder if your stories will be about Karma, the love doctor, or Karma against the love doctor.. I'm writing about Karma, so that's also ironic! :) One small suggestion I would give, is your use of the word "lethal" in the second paragraph, second to last line. You mentioned above that the arrows aren't used for any sort of killing. But with the use of the word lethal, I automatically think death! Might just be me. Haha. But I would maybe consider switching up that word. Other than that, great job on your introduction! Looking forward to reading your stories.
Hey Dillon, You are doing a great job so far on your Storybook! Your coverpage looks very neat and put together. The picture you used is very fitting for your theme. I like the font you chose as well. I really like how you set the tone for your Introduction page. It really helped me to get into your story. I can picture exactly what his lab must look like. You described the arrows in great detail which makes it is easy for the reader to picture them. It is very creative that you thought of giving him an arrow factory. I can almost smell all of the scents because of your vivid descriptions. I am looking forward to reading the future stories that go into your storybook. It will be interesting to see how you can incorporate Karma into them. I wonder what time period Dr. Love lived in. Is it modern time or did he live hundreds of years ago? I can not wait to see what love stories you chose to retell. I am sure you will do a fantastic job. Your personality really shines through your writing! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Dillon, what a funny yet awesome introduction! Great job laying out the details and welcoming your readers into the world of love! I must say you are a funny person and you did a splendid job with the introduction because you definitely attracted many readers to read your story. I can't wait to see how to lay it out and present the overall storybook because the introduction was that good and appealing. I liked the picture you chose but I would center it and maybe highlight the picture more to make it more elaborate. I liked the font style you used its fun yet nice to deal with while reading. I liked the concept of the Dr. Love instead of just a spokesperson for the diaries or blogs. I think giving love prescriptions would be a good idea while telling your story! Overall, I found your introduction super fun to read and excited me as a reader to want to read more so great job! I am sure you will come up with more exciting stories in the future. Using more pictures and making sure they are highlighted in each story would be a great asset to your storybook as well. Great job again!
ReplyDeleteHey, Dillon! Wow, what a well-written story. The picture on the cover page was great, and I loved the introduction. It was easy to follow along through the upbeat and informal language, yet added some great elements. For one, it was humorous- I liked the fact that he would use the materials from making the arrows to make some good tea as well as the fact he had an oversized parrot- that made me chuckle and I appreciated you including a good sense of humor in the story. That alone made the story stand out to me and I wanted to read on. Also, I love the description of the study, staircases, and how you even explained the composition of the arrows- such details are incredibly engaging and exciting and make the story that much better. You’re very creative and I loved seeing that through this story. Finally, I think you did a wonderful job of setting up the rest of the storybook. I definitely want to read on and was sad that the introduction was over. Keep up the wonderful work and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. You are very talented and I love your storybook so far!
ReplyDeleteYour Introduction made me laugh out loud. I can really get a sense of the personality of the narrator. Also you did a great job of giving important details like, what the bow was made out of and ect. there is admission that is important in your introduction that though the Dr. is the God of Love, he is more of an Eharmony.com version of the God of Love. He can take the horse to water but he can not make the horse love the fish in the water and have seahorses. This is a key admission because next your character brings up the issue of Karma and that is truly the main focus I am guessing of your topics. I am not sure the way in which you are going to tell your stories but your Introduction did a good job of catching the readers attention so that they don’t click on to someone else’s storybook page instead. As far as the design at first I thought there was not much to it. The cover page is basic and when I clicked on to the introduction it was even more basic. I am guessing you are using the blank slate template, but this is all a good thing because it allows the reader to focus solely on the story. Also one more design issue I noticed was the font. You did a great job of choosing the right font to match the narrator. For some reason the font sort of matched the character and helped to bring depth to Kama.
ReplyDeleteHi Dillon! Your coverpage with the image of Kama, the God of Love is perfect! I also really like the font you chose to use. Your introduction had so much personality in it! It was very entertaining to read! I also thought the imagery was fantastic! I felt like I could really imagine the rooms as we passed through them! I love the idea that he has a large collection of bow and arrows he uses to hit people with love! I think one thing that would really add to your introduction is pictures! It would be great to have a picture of one of Dr. Love's bow and arrows!
ReplyDeleteThe idea that each arrow that he uses is specifically designed for each of his targets is so cool! I also like that you chose to include Karma in your story and am so interested to see how that will play a role!
Lastly, I think it may be helpful to give an introduction of the love stories that you plan to include in your introduction! I definitely suspect that we will hear a version of Rama and Sita, and I very much look forward to that! I'm very curious to see what other love stories you choose to include!
Overall, I enjoyed reading your introduction and look forward to reading your storybook as it progresses! Great job!
Hello Dillon. On first visiting your page I noticed the design. The design was very clean and simple, in a good way. The pages were easy to navigate. I noticed the picture on your cover page depicting the god of love with a bow. I was reminded of Cupid, although Kama doesn't look as cuddly and friendly. Also, his bow looks like it shoots real arrows and not love missiles. In your introduction I loved the line about living with the oversized parrot, as I noticed Kama riding a bird in your cover page image. Overall I found your introduction to be quite humorous, and I hope the rest of your stories follow suit. I enjoyed the house tour Kama gave and his descriptions of his arrows and other items. You definitely impart the idea that he toils away making custom arrows for future love birds. I'm looking forward to seeing your stories and how the god of love plays a role in them. It seems like Karma might be the antagonist here, as sometimes it interferes with his plans of love.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the thought and time you put into comments on my blog- I really appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteThank you for all your comments on my blog and storybook page!
ReplyDeleteYour coverpage is a little plain. I would make the font bigger, especially the title - I didn't even notice it at first. I would also add some color and background - the picture is so cool, you should complement it.
ReplyDeleteI would also consider sprucing up your intro (and other future pages). The font is very basic and blocky (although I like the size - very helpful). Your theme is Dr. Love, so a more fancy or beautiful font would contribute to the theme. You could play with colors too.
I like the first person, conversational tone. It comes off very casual and authentic. You also do a good job of introducing and informing the reader of your main character, which is one we don't know much about just from the Ramayana. You have a good mix of information and storytelling, and it doesn't feel like an overload.
You don't give much indication as to what your other stories are going to be about. You have a nice lead-in at the very end, but your reader doesn't know anything about who the other characters in your stories will be.
Looks promising, will be waiting to read more.
Cover Page: I would possibly consider making your picture a lot larger to better draw the attention of the reader. Also the larger picture would be a better transition for the large letters in your introduction. Also your page navigation thing on the lefts side of the page fades into the background, and I can barely read it.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: I think doing your story book for the perspective of “Dr. Kamadeva” is very creative!! The way you have him take the reader through a tour is great and makes me want to read more. After reading your introduction I am very curious about how Karma and matchmaking are sometimes at odds with one another. So clearly I can see so many parallels with “Dr. Kamadeva” and Cupid, which I find very interesting. Also your title on this page is so small compared to your actual text within the page. I cannot wait until you have a story up!!! I want to read more, and was disappointed that I have to wait, but I completely understand how this part of the semester is crazy. I can sometimes be hard to get to working on writing a story. I look forward to how you continue your story!!
Hey Dillon! I was looking for some storybooks to look at that I haven’t already and the title of yours really drew me in. I think your cover page is pretty solid with a picture of Dr. Kamadeva. The introduction was really great, I liked the description of the Doctors office and his character shows with his sense of humor, making his stories of his clients probably more fun to read in the long run. The inclusion of the magical arrows is a creative approach and they go along with the book as well since arrows show up frequently. Also, making the magical aspects are cool to see as well like brewing the arrows to make a tea and creating the arrows with all those cool ingredients. I think introducing karma as a competitive factor to the love doctors work is a smart move since the book has a lot of karma working against some of the relationships development. I think the only critique I have would be to maybe include more colors in your storybook or pictures would be nice in the introduction of something mentioned by the doctor since he has such a cool office you describe. You have set up a cool introduction and I am excited to see how you progress with it!
ReplyDeleteHey Dillon. I just finished looking over your storybook. My first impression was that the colors and thin font are kind of tough on the eyes. I think that if you change one or the other, it might make your links and other writing a lot easier to read. The font size and color in your introduction are much easier to read. You did a great job of drawing me into your introduction by describing the setting and actually walking me through the lab. I thought that the comment about the Love Doctor dancing by himself was pretty funny. The imagery and appeal to other senses throughout your introduction are great! Everything is described so well that it hardly needs a picture to accompany it. That being said, I think that a few pictures could really help to improve your introduction. Right now, so much of the interpretation is left to your reader’s imagination. If you included a few pictures here and there, it could really help your direct the way that we interpret your story. The other thing that I would suggest is that you might also give us a little introduction to the various stories that you plan on telling. I noticed that you haven’t posted your first story yet, presumably because you used a free pass, so good luck with that! You definitely have a great idea and I’m curious to see where you go with it.
ReplyDeleteI really like the font you selected, and I really appreciate the format / setup of your storybook. I think that your introduction picture of karma, God of Love, is really great. Also, your name sounds like an author’s name – it has a nice ring to it. I also think your story is really funny. “Do forgive me for the clutter; it is rather difficult living with an oversized parrot.” I found that sentence to be quite humorous, and I like that you painted Dr. Love in a witty, sort of dorky kind of way. It makes him more approachable. I like how you tied in karma to the arrows and methodology of Dr. Love. I’m also glad you started with the story of Rama and Sita. Their love story is particularly my favorite out of all the stories that we have read so far. I think that they represent well the theme and romantic sense behind the Indian epics. Like I said earlier, I like the way that you had karma contribute to the story. Also, I like that you used Buck’s version of The Ramayana. I am looking forward to reading the future stories that you write in your storybook!
ReplyDeleteI read your first story, Rama & Sita. My first comment is that you should go back and look at the grammar - there are some run on sentences, especially when you try to have a more conversational tone. I like the conversational tone, but sometimes it just needs some editing. I also noticed a typo, you said matched made in "haven" - so, just proofread it one more time maybe. I mean, I hate to be that person, but your story is good and it would be a shame to leave in simple editing errors that distract from it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I like your story. You have a unique perspective. It's interesting that Dr. Kamadeva is sort of watching over Rama and Sita and planning out their love lives. It makes their story even more mystical, adds an element of destiny in romance. I like how you added the details about the arrow, and fit it in with your concept of a Cupid-like Dr. Love, making them fall in love with his arrows.
Your page might look better if you divided the text into a couple paragraphs, or just broke it up a bit. And added an image. It might be nice to add some dialogue from other characters too - maybe not to this one, but something to keep in mind for other stories. Basically, though, I like your concept and you do a good job telling the story.
Hey Dillon Duke! This was a really great Storybook presentation. I was really fond of the set-up of this storybook. I t really attracts readers to read it. The introduction was really great and allows readers to really connect with what they are reading. After reading the introduction, the first thing that I thought of was our Cupid. This is one thing that helps readers really connect with your storybook and actually gets readers to go through the whole storybook since they have something to relate to. Dr. Love’s arrows are another thing that I really liked. Their description was great and I would really hope to see one in real life since I am a huge sugarcane fan. Sugarcane taste really amazing and that’s why I would also really like to taste some of that tea that Dr. Love makes. This is another way that you help the readers connect and really get them interested in your storybook. The story was also written really well. One thing that I caught was there was one spelling error. It was in the first paragraph where instead of heaven you say haven. This is just a minor error and can’t wait to read more stories about Dr. Love and get to know more about him.
ReplyDeleteHi Dillon,
ReplyDeleteThis was my first foray into the tales of Dr. Love, so I am going to comment on the site and introduction as well. I think your site page is fine, although with your theme it could be hilarious to turn it into an "About me" and credentials page about his doctorate.
I thought your intro was really solid. You made Kama feel very approachable and friendyly while also doing some major outlining of the rest of your storybook. I liked the part where you begin to lay out what will come next -- the appointments and future appointments. You've done a great job in making Dr. Love appear very real. One thing I would recommend for your intro is including an element like a picture to add color to the page while also breaking up the wall of text. There are a lot of opportunities for you there: bow and arrows, tea being brewed,etc. So I bet you can find something that will really put your introduction over the top. I am interested to see whether this doctor is actually a good match maker. It's interesting that he uses the same method of love induction as the Western cupid on Valentine's day, which would make it funny to mention something about the Dr. being the first one to use love arrows.
Hey Dillon,
ReplyDeleteI am actually from the Mythology and Folklore class, so your storybook was really my first look into the Indian Epics. I hadn't heard of Kama, the god of love, before this, but he certainly seems interesting!
My first impressions of the home page were certainly positive. I like the simple,muted colors you chose for the background, as I think too many images or colors can sometimes be distracting for readers. The font for your text seems very fitting for a story originating from an Indian background. If I had one suggestion, it would be to make the image of Kama a little larger. Of course, I'm not sure if there is a larger image available, so this may not be possible!
Your introduction is superb. You make the "love doctor" seem friendly but very quirky. The line " it is rather difficult living with an oversized parrot" made me laugh. It certainly would be! In fact, that may be a little bit of understatement!
The story of Rama and Sita seems like a great choice for your first story. It was suspenseful wondering it one of Rama's brothers would beat him to the princess, and even more so when the arrow missed and only hit her finger.
Dillon, I really like how you portray Karma in your storybook. I think it is very interesting and easy to follow. I like how your homepage is set up. You use easy colors and clean fonts that really keep the reader focused on your project. I also like the images you use. I think they do an excellent job at giving the reader an insight into Karma, the god of love, and allow the readers to gain a visual perspective of Karma. I also really like how you call Karma “the love doctor”. Sounds like something from the 70’s, which I find really interesting because it is cool that you can tie the Indian Epics into something from the flower power era. Your introduction is really good too. I think it lets everyone get to know Karma and sets up the story for the rest of the storybooks. I think your first story is really excellent. The classic Rama and Sita love story should for sure be included in everyone’s storybook who is writing about love. It is a perfect story to start off with, so I believe your “love doctor” idea is heading in a great direction! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Dillon,
ReplyDeleteI was a bit behind on points in the Myth-Folklore class from skipping assignments so I decided to do the extra commenting for the bonus points and I was surprised to come across a storybook by my old suite mate. Time sure has flown though since freshman year, it has been like two years since the last time I've seen you. I hope college has been going good for you! Anyway down to business, I like how you made the introduction humorous and clearly gave a background on your storyteller, even someone who hasn't read anything Indian could follow along without difficulty.
The first story was very good, I like how you continued to make your narrator a somewhat goofy character. I don't know if it is the similar names but I kept picturing Kama as Mike Myers since he was in that Love Guru movie. The only suggestion I could make is to break up your story into paragraphs so it doesn't feel too long. I would either put your picture in the middle to break it up or just make a new paragraph or two. Great job with your story and I'll try to comment on yours again for my bonus choice.
Hey Dillion! I just got done reading through your storybook: Tales of Dr. Love and overall it looks like it is coming along great! The picture in the introduction gives me a good idea of what Kama and his parrot look like. Also the colors and layout of your storybook are very clean and easy to navigate so good job with that as well! The introduction was fantastic! Your description of Kama's house created great imagery in my mind. You used a ton of eloquent words and described the layout of his house very well! Also I love the the personality you have given Kama. His dialogues are very funny and clever and make the reading overall a much more enjoyable experience. I found it quite funny that you said he spends a lot of time by himself dancing alone, I laughed when I pictured that in my head. I can tell you have done quite a bit of research for this story. It was great that you informed the readers about what Kama's various bows and arrows are made of and transitioned into the story telling by having tea time. I can't wait to read Kama's tales and I'm sure they will be quite humorous! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteDillon, as I’ve said before, I really like the font you selected, and I really appreciate the format / setup of your storybook.Your use of Karma really stuck out and resonated with me throughout the time that I read your storybook. Just a little detail that I think you might want to look at fixing: I think that your page navigation on the left-hand side is out of order. It starts with Dasaratha and Kaikeyi, move to the introduction, then it moves to Rama and Sita. I think that your page would be much more easily navigated and organized if you cleared that up! Another thing that you could change is “heart warming” to “heartwarming.” It can be used as only one word! I found the word in the first paragraph of your story “Dasaratha and Kaikeyi” (which I thought was really good, by the way!) I like how you portrayed their romance, and I think they had a pretty profound one if you ask me. I like how you revealed the ir relationship and how Kaikeyi being the third wife really impacted them. I like how you ended the story with the bows and arrows being hung up forever. Great job!
ReplyDeleteDillon! I thought your introduction was so incredibly creative and fun! As others have said, be sure to fix the order of your stories because you introduction falls after the first story. It is just so full of creativity which is such an important characteristic to have so good job! The whole time I was reading you project I was definitely thinking of the picture on your main page! Your story of Rama and Sita was definitely my favorite mainly because they have been my favorite characters to learn about over the course of this class. The reason I love this class so much is because there is so much room to add whatever we want to all of the stories! I love the way you said Dr. Love had been watching Rama and Sita and perfectly paired them up! I love the addition of the arrow and his quest to have them fall in love! It was very funny and exciting to read! I can't wait for your next story because I'm sure it will be just as funny as these two! I also think you did a great job paying attention to detail with the way your font is for the stories! It reminds me of Shakespeare which then reminds me of romance so great job! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteOkay, firstly, you need to organize your navigation so that the pages are all in order. Second, I think there are a lot of things you could do to make your storybook more exciting. I think putting your storybook in red colors would make it look more the part for this particular topic. I mean it’s a story about Kama and matchmaking so it should be more romance colored. As it is right now, it’s kind of boring. Also, every single one of your pages has a different font and/or font size. Your storybook needs to be a lot more consistent.
ReplyDeleteSo I only read your introduction this time around, but I enjoyed what I read. I kind of wish it was told from the visitor’s POV instead of Kama’s, that way we’re in the head of a character new to this place, similar to us. It’s makes it easier to connect when the story is told from someone whose shoes we can easily fill. I think if you chose to write from this POV, you could give a lot more description of this place and make the story more captivating. As is, it’s kind of confusing following Kama around a house we can’t see.
Hey Dillon, I think you should fix your navigation because it was super confusing for me to understand what was going on and where to start! You should organize that so it makes it easy to follow your storybook. I think your title is great but you should definitely include more details and descriptions so that your storybook is more exciting and fun to read. I think you should add some color and more exciting pictures so that the reader isn't bored while reading or looking at your storybook. I liked your cover page but I think you could maybe use a better pictures also your introduction is great but maybe include some things to attract your readers. I think both the story titles are good but maybe include more pictures to express what the going on in the story to help better understand what is going on. I think overall you have the right idea but maybe working on those details would add a lot more attention to your book and attract more readers! Also, maybe reread what you wrote in your stories because I was hard to follow what was going on in the story, I was very confused with the story while reading.
ReplyDeleteHey Dillon.
ReplyDeleteI really like the topic you chose to write about. I also like the image you chose to use for your cover page. The first thing I would like to suggest though is that you reorder the links on your navigation. I ended up not reading the stories in order and so it made everything very confusing. Additionally, I would suggest that you use the same format for each page. The repetition of fonts and spacing is one way to create an overall better visual appeal to your storybook. My next suggestion would be to move the picture you use for each story from the bottom to somewhere closer to the actual story. Other than that, each story was very well written. You may consider reading them out loud though, sometimes it becomes confusing. However, I like the style you chose to write in. It is very clear and you use great imagery in each story.
One other small suggestion I would have is to split up that one giant paragraph you used in the story of Rama & Sita. That paragraph dragged on forever, and I feel like it will be easier to read if it is split up into several different paragraphs. Other than that you did a good job, keep up the good work.
Hey Dillion! I just got done reading through the latest additions to your storybook: Tales of Dr. Love and I like the new story you have added even more then the last one! In your story about Dasaratha and Kaikeyi I like how you make the god seem almost human and show that even he too makes mistakes. This reminds of how often the Greek gods would make mistakes and humans would end up paying for it. I can clearly tell you did some great research before writing your perspective on this love story. All the details seem on point and there aren't any continuity issues. Once again your storytelling skills shine, the words flow well and I'm not confused at all as to what is going on. For some reason, I really enjoy the arrow recipes. They all sound extremely tasty if they were mixed in teas (maybe because I was hungry while reading this story?) but its also a nice touch that you say why each ingredient to make the arrow is being used. It gives more life to your story and doesn't make it simply seem like words on a screen. Can't wait to read the next story!
ReplyDeleteHey Dillon!
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised this is my first time visiting your storybook. I like your font for your overall storybook, but I wish it was a little bigger. When you use a font that intricate, you have to make it bigger or you get in danger or losing clarity. I like the picture you chose for your cover page. It's traditional and beautiful, which is complementary to your choice of font. One thing I wanted to touch on real quick is that your sidebar navigation is off. It currently has the link for your Dasaratha & Kaikeyi story before your introduction. Anyway, on to your introduction: I liked how friendly and informal it was. Your descriptions are really great. I felt like I could see the lab! You did a great job setting up your storybook and getting the reader interested! I like your writing style, it really shows your personality as a fun, humorous person. It made for an easy to read story that doesn't require forced concentration. You made the story almost conversational, which helps keep the reader on track. As for your first story, I loved it! It was cool that you made the "love doctor" watch over and plan out their lives. Super cool way to do this story!
Hi Dillon! This is my second time visiting your storybook and it looks awesome! It has really come a long way since my first visit weeks ago. I can really hear your voice when I am reading your stories. I enjoyed your two stories starring Rama and Sita and then the one with Dasaratha and Kaikeyi. I have written about both set of characters in my storytelling posts so it is interesting to read another version of the stories. I must say, I like your versions a lot better than Buck's and Narayan's. Adding the character Dr. Kamadeva, was a very nice touch. He really makes things funny and interesting. I also like how you incorporated karma into your stories. I love to see when people get what they deserve whether it is for the good or for the bad. Side note, I am kind of confused to why your font changed from the introduction to the stories. Was that on purpose? With that said, I really like the font you used for your titles. Overall, you are doing a fantastic job on your storybook! Have a great rest of your week and I will see you in our other class tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteHi Dillon,
ReplyDeleteI think this was my first venture into your storybook, but I decided to skip over to the story of Rama & Sita. My favorite line in your first paragraph was "... a match literally made in heaven." That was perfect for your humorous Dr. Love. I think one thing that strikes me about Dr. Love is how much of a scientist he actually appears to me. He talks about the level of study he has conducted and goes into detail about his observations without being overly creepy or anything. I think writing about Rama and Sita was an easy choice because of the sheer amount of information and details you have to work with, and I think you did a good job in filtering them into this single tale. I remember thinking while reading the Ramayana that the story of Janaka's bow could probably use some more details, so I'm glad someone else had the same feelings and decided to act on them as well. I also enjoyed how Dr. Love treated Love as a chemical or prescription and talked about how he could properly "administer" it. I think that worked well in characterizing your character as a true doctor as well.
Hi Dillon, as we had free choices on who to comment on this week for our story book choices, I decided to comment on yours because I had never been put in the same group as you so I never got a chance to read your stories. I would like to start off by saying that I really liked your idea. I really liked how you managed to combine the idea of Kamadeva and Cupid into one character because Kamadeva works by shooting arrows from a bow like cupid. Your introduction was really interesting it was a fun read. It got me reading right away, it was as if I walked into the office and I was being talked to by this love doctor. I also really liked your story of how Rama and Sita met and fall in love and also the story about Dasaratha and Kaikeyi. There were no errors so I was able to read through them pretty smoothly. I could not really find anything to make your story better as I thought they were perfect. Overall I thought your story book was great and so was your idea for and I will be back for more!
ReplyDeleteHi Dillon! Great work on the storybook so far! Somehow I have managed to not be put in a group with you as of yet, so I decided to read your blog as my free choice for the week. I love your introduction. The doctor sounds like a real character, especially when he starts talking about the different properties that his arrows have. The detail that you go into is amazing. The arrows have their own special ingredients, useful for both love and tea! I really appreciated that random detail; it made for a brief moment of amusement before heading to the first story. Your narrator is really entertaining, particularly because he makes it sound like he is a mix of a doctor and a storyteller, reminiscing over past successes. The stories of both Rama and Sita, as well as Dasaratha and Kaikeyi work to show that there is no one true answer to love. The doctor starts telling the story but things go wrong in both cases. It is sad how the relationships start out with so much promise, then wind up with a sad ending. Your stories are very well written, however, and I love the amount of detail that you include in them! I really like how you tell the reason that the different ingredients are chosen for the arrows. It gives more detail to the story. I look forward to seeing what else you have in store. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteDillon, I really like how you bring the reader in as if they are walking into your office. I think this is a great way pull the readers into your story and create an interest in them. I love how you are dissecting Rama and Sita’s relationship. When you said that Rama could never walk away from a challenge I was in full agreement and was almost convinced that you orchestrated their meet and marriage. I wish you would have made your paragraphs more visible with indentation or skipping a line. It makes it more difficult for the reader to focus while reading such a long paragraph with no breaks.
ReplyDeleteI kind of did not like how you said that Sita was watching Rama string the bow from her window. Yes, this adds a bit of excitement to the story because the reader gets to be there with her when she watches her marriage be turned over to the man who she cannot stop thinking about after their first interaction, but the truth is that she was laying in her bed in misersy while she dreamt about and cried for the man who she saw the day before (just so happens to be Rama). I liked how this part of the story played out in the original tale because the reader gets to be there with Sita through her misery and then we are witnesses to her excitement after she finds out that the person who strung the bow was the man she was longing for!
Hey Dillon! This is my first time reading your storybook and commenting on your wall, so it's nice to make your e-quaintance. When I was looking through the list of storybooks to choose from, the name of yours stood out, and I decided to read on. I actually had no idea that Cupid had an Indian counterpart, so it was neat to see it brought to life the way you did it.
ReplyDeleteI think the layout of your storybook is great, though there are a couple suggestions I would have made were I typing this a couple months ago. The biggest issue I have with your page personally is with the navigation. Your unvisited links are gray text on a white background, which is never fun to read. Once they've been clicked, they become much easier on the eyes as they turn and stay black.
All of your writing is clear, your grammar is good, and the content is interesting. You've written it in a way that involves the reader, since the main character is addressing the audience directly. I really like this approach, and I think it worked well with what you set out to do with your storybook. Overall, good job! I hope the semester went smoothly for you, man. Take care!